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As much as we would like to avoid this, hassles do occur occasionally. They can occur between friends, relatives, partners, work colleagues, and even clients and staff. Confrontation is a very stressful state, especially if emotions are at the limit. The ability to remain calm and deal with confrontations will help resolve any potentially stressful situation.
Find out if confrontation is needed
It's complicated. More often it is better to get away from the conflict, or to pay it off. But there are situations when it is simply necessary to enter into confrontation and not regret that this led to conflict.
If there is a problem, you need to say about it. You probably have certain boundaries and rules that no one can break. And if they are violated, it should be said bluntly. For example, if your neighbors listen to music loudly and do it constantly, you should talk about it. But if this is unusual for them, the conflict is likely to be superfluous.
Set aside a heated dialogue
It also happens that it is better to let emotions settle down: “Let's postpone our conversation until the evening?”. Both sides will have time to calm down, gather facts and, most likely, evaluate the opposite point of view.
The interlocutor might not want to hurt you, but since it happened, you first need to calmly evaluate everything.
Stick to the facts with caution.
The ability to adhere to facts in conflicts can lead to aggression of the interlocutor, but when his anger runs out, there will be only arguments.
Shouting at a person in order to throw out anger is the worst strategy possible. Splash out aggression, doing sports, meditation and creativity. In dealing with people, more subtle approaches are needed.
Facts can also offend. Not each of us pleads guilty in this case, he needs to maintain a sense of dignity (especially if the confrontation is public). Therefore, add respectful phrases to the arguments and insist that the person just did not understand you right away.
In almost any confrontation, the ego plays a major role. People don’t care if they are right or not, it’s important that they respect their opinion. Therefore, in conflicts, bare facts do not always work.
Do not use insults
Besides the fact that this in itself is humiliating for the one who uses them, it also gives a powerful counter-pressure tool. After all, if you go down to insults, "then you have nothing to say in essence" (even if it is not so).
If anger can still be abated and changed, then the abandoned insult is never. It will be remembered about him.
Use the pronoun "I", not "You"
Want to know how to make a person defend and snap back? Begin the phrase with the word "You ...". This immediately makes people stop thinking and defending themselves.
The word "I ..." makes it possible to turn confrontation into a constructive dialogue. This seems like a naive psychological ploy, but the difference between these words is enormous. So start with the phrases:
- "I noticed that …"
- "I would like to talk about ..."
- “I heard a noise coming from your room”
Let me know what the problem is.
It’s not enough to say that something doesn’t suit you, you still need to let your interlocutor understand why it does not suit you. People love when they are given a reason. Or they don’t understand what the problem is until they are explained to them.
Surprisingly, even the most intelligent people sometimes behave like fools. They do not see or understand the things that are obvious to you. Tell them about it directly. You must admit that it’s even easier for you to change your behavior when a person names a specific reason than if he starts with criticism and screaming. This is a complex tactic, which is why few people use it. Shouting and insulting is much easier.
When someone is angry with you, is it always clear for what reason? That is the problem. We can be angry with others and not make it clear why. In this state, the mind is completely turned off.
Calmness has many advantages. Remember the situation when two people came into conflict before your eyes: at the same time, one shouted and stamped his feet, and the second was calm and friendly. Who did you sympathize with more? It works. We tend to respect calm people, because instincts tell us: “This is a leader. He will save us. ”
Calmness can be achieved in three cases:
- Warn him (tune in advance).
- Combat early irritability (keep emotions out of control).
- Fight anger (when emotions get out of hand, but anger has not come yet).
The best strategy, of course, will be the first. But if it didn’t work out, there are two more ways to fix it.